Our relationship, others' experiences, and money monsters

From what I am hearing on different FTM Wives/Girlfriends groups I am on, it seems that I have it relatively easy.  It seems a lot of things in our relationship hahve worked this way.  Things that should be rough, hard to conquer, or pull us apart tend to just… work out.  We moved in together after only three months, knew it was a bad idea, but it worked out.  Moved across the country together to MY home town, he hated it there, but we still worked it out.  All kinds of things.  We just make it work.

Anyway, I’m getting away from my point.  My point is, I hear a lot of other girls saying that their guy is pulling away from them.  That his dysphoria is so much of a struggle that they stop having sexual relations at all.  I don’t know what to say to those people.  I wonder if their relationship has the strong foundation needed to overcome such a huge change.  My relationship is lucky in that we only had maybe a week or two where sex stopped.  He was confused, working things out in his head, and bringing himself around to his body again.  We are now back to where we were before (only better, yes, better).  His main issue has always been his chest, and since that has *always* been an issue, it wasn’t anything new or changed when he came out.

Our biggest struggle?  Money.  We have a lot of money problems just paying our bills lately.  We are chasing his dream job right now, which leaves me the breadwinner.  That on it’s own is hard on us, we would both be more comfortable if it were the other way around.  He is making baby steps in the right directions at his work though, and we continue to be hopeful that he will start making better money. 

The issue here is that, transitioning costs money.  Lots of money.  He won’t feel like a whole person until he gets his top surgery.  LOTS of money.  It’s sad and its stressful and we both want it so badly for him.  We know that it just isn’t an option until the bills are getting paid with better regularity though.  We are just getting by right now.  It’s … pretty depressing overall.    My big issue in addition is just the NAME change!  He needs to get his name changed so that we can finally get a marriage license and I can take his name.  We can’t do it before his name change because then *I* would have to go through an even larger more expensive process to change MY name to match his after it changes.  Ugh.  Money.

On another note, sometimes I still find myself feeling just a little sad.  Just a little.  I look at him, and remember looking at him and thinking “My Katie” and I get .. just a little sad.  Maybe nostalgic is a better word.  I can’t place the why or the what about it, but it is still there.  I probably get this the most when I am looking at the stubble on his face.  It still feels so foreign and strange.

While all of this going on, we have some friends who have been in a lesbian relationship for several years.   One person is currently struggling with gender issues.  The other is seriously hoping that the gender issues kind of … go away.  I feel bad for both of them, it is a tough and touchy issue on both ides.  I hope the best for them, and I hope that they can mutually agree to embrace the needs of both themselves and each other.