When do I start saying “he”? When do I call her (him) Kaden?

This is, I think, the hardest part.

Kaden is ready for me to start using new pronouns.  Being that Kaden is SUPER awesome, he (I did it there, see!) understands that it will take me time.  In fact, he (and again!) understands so much as to say that I can always say her and she if it makes me more comfortable.  Very sweet, but that would just be horribly confusing in the long run.

So in writing, I am practicing.  He.  Kaden.  He. 

Full honestly?  At the moment, it feels wrong.  There is a ZING inside every time I say HE.  I think I mentioned it before, it’s like a physical reaction to the idea that I might be talking about a different person.  I guess cheating even in theory is a very physical experience inside your own head.  I am not cheating.  Katie and Kaden are the same person.  I love him.  I love HIM.

With time and practice it will get easier.  I can’t quite say it out loud yet.  So maybe writing this and using only the new name and new pronouns will help.  So yeah … I think there I will drop all the old stuff.

So when do I start saying he?  In writing, I guess it’s now.  In the right situations.  We are in the process of coming out so not all our friends know.  And I might never be able to say it in major social media like Facebook because he doesn’t currently plan to come out to his family (one thing at a time). 

Vocally?  Vocally.  I am not sure when to start actually SAYING “he”.  He is still Katie to most the people we know.  This is really new to everyone except himself.  So.  When?  When he starts going by Kaden to everyone?  Just around new people we meet when he can introduce himself as Kaden and “be” male?

I guess we are in a limbo of pronouns right now.

Currently, I can write “he” here in the blog.  And on FTM sites and such.  I can say “he” and “Kaden” when it is just the two of us meeting someone new.  And maybe when it is the two of us and people we have come out to and are meeting someone new?  Oh, that gets complicated.

In day to day life?  No, not yet.  Until he is going commonly by Kaden, and we start asking our friends to change their own brain and vocal patterns … until then I don’t think I can start saying “he” on a daily basis.

But I can practice.  Here.  I’m doing good so far, right?  Saying it in writing is a good place to start, I think.

When will I know that the time has come to say it all the time?  Will I just know?  Will it just feel right?